Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
An Apology
I am a former special education teacher. It is not a position that I sought out, but rather, it is a position that sort of chose me.
When I moved to TX in the fall of 2003, I decided that it was finally time to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always had the desire to teach, but for whatever reason, I had avoided that path. I enrolled in a program to become certified and also applied to become a substitute teacher. My very first sub position was in a special education self-contained classroom as an assistant, which turned into a seven week long term job. When I walked into that classroom, I didn't know what autism was. I didn't know much about Down's Syndrome except that the kids were "so cute and sweet". Needless to say, I didn't have a clue about an IEP or an ARD or what the heck LRE meant. However, I quickly learned that I had finally discovered my calling. That next school year, a teaching position opened at that same school, for those same group of kids.
In August 2004, my journey began. I really, truly thought I was an empathetic teacher; not only with the students but with the parents. Even though I didn't have their same experiences, I really tried to "walk a mile in their shoes" when making decisions. Two and a half years later, I realized my empathy was probably really sympathy. As nice and understanding as I tried to be, there was no way I could possibly understand their lives. At least not to the depth of what I thought. On May 22, 2007, that realization hit home like a ton of bricks. As four and a half years have passed by, I have grown and learned so much more about disabilities than any book could ever teach me. Having Wade has made me second guess a lot of decisions I made as a teacher. I came across a blog a couple weeks ago that sums up my feelings exactly. This blogger has managed to share the same thoughts, feelings, and regrets that I have had for the past four years. The title of her post is: An Apology From Your Child's Former Teacher.
Instead of writing my own apology letter, I thought I'd just let her letter speak for me. You can click here to read it. Honestly, I couldn't have said it any better. I hope you enjoy reading Leigh's post. The rest of her blog is amazingly honest and "real" as well. Definitely a blog to place on your list of readings!
When I moved to TX in the fall of 2003, I decided that it was finally time to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I always had the desire to teach, but for whatever reason, I had avoided that path. I enrolled in a program to become certified and also applied to become a substitute teacher. My very first sub position was in a special education self-contained classroom as an assistant, which turned into a seven week long term job. When I walked into that classroom, I didn't know what autism was. I didn't know much about Down's Syndrome except that the kids were "so cute and sweet". Needless to say, I didn't have a clue about an IEP or an ARD or what the heck LRE meant. However, I quickly learned that I had finally discovered my calling. That next school year, a teaching position opened at that same school, for those same group of kids.
In August 2004, my journey began. I really, truly thought I was an empathetic teacher; not only with the students but with the parents. Even though I didn't have their same experiences, I really tried to "walk a mile in their shoes" when making decisions. Two and a half years later, I realized my empathy was probably really sympathy. As nice and understanding as I tried to be, there was no way I could possibly understand their lives. At least not to the depth of what I thought. On May 22, 2007, that realization hit home like a ton of bricks. As four and a half years have passed by, I have grown and learned so much more about disabilities than any book could ever teach me. Having Wade has made me second guess a lot of decisions I made as a teacher. I came across a blog a couple weeks ago that sums up my feelings exactly. This blogger has managed to share the same thoughts, feelings, and regrets that I have had for the past four years. The title of her post is: An Apology From Your Child's Former Teacher.
Instead of writing my own apology letter, I thought I'd just let her letter speak for me. You can click here to read it. Honestly, I couldn't have said it any better. I hope you enjoy reading Leigh's post. The rest of her blog is amazingly honest and "real" as well. Definitely a blog to place on your list of readings!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
On Being Thankful
Curtis and I have been living in our house for seven years. One afternoon, we were driving around "dreaming" about owning a home together. Having only lived in TX for about seven months, I was not at all familiar with the area. Every weekend, home developers put out their marketing to help guide you to the new neighborhoods. I just kept telling Curtis to "follow the signs". I had no idea where we were, Curtis kept telling me we were going too far out, but the signs finally led us to the neighborhood that would become our home just four months later.
During our first two and a half years in our house, we quickly became fast friends with a few other families on the street. We were known to "do it up" like no one else in the neighborhood when it came to social events. On Friday and Saturday evenings, we could all be found in someone's driveway enjoying the weather while gossiping over a few beverages. On Sunday evenings, we would often gather at someone's house for a potluck dinner while watching Sunday night television. The kids on the street became "everyone's" children. Our street quickly became a village. We even named our group; BOSS--Bent Oak Social Society--after the name of our street.
Between the two of us, Curtis is definitely the social butterfly. In fact, some of the neighbors didn't even think I really existed for the first few months! I had just started my teaching job, and my idea of a fun Friday night was laying on the couch watching TV. I slowly came out of my shell and began meshing with our new friends. Living so far from home (VA), these new people started becoming like family. But as with family, things and people can start getting a little too close for comfort! Misunderstandings and hurt feelings are bound to happen within a close knit group of people. BOSS has definitely had it's fair share of drama over the past seven years. Months have gone by where there was little interaction between some people. However, as it seems to go with family, when you've experienced certain things and events with people, there's a bond that is formed that is really hard to break. We've all certainly been in the middle of the drama, but in the end, it's that drama that has helped form such a deep connection.
I honestly didn't realize that strong, unbreakable bond until Wade was born. Not only did mine and Curtis' life change, but our street was affected forever. Instead of celebrating Wade's life at the hospital, our friends held a prayer circle in someone's driveway. Instead of everyone coming to see mom and baby, people were splitting their time between two hospitals--some came to visit me at one hospital, while others went to support Curtis and Wade at the children's hospital. Instead of a bunch of home cooked meals, we were receiving gift cards to local restaurants so that we could quickly grab a bite to eat to and from visiting Wade.
This group of friends rallied like no other. Wade became the "Baby of Bent Oak"--BOBO. There was always someone willing to step in and hold him or feed him or even change him. The outpouring of love for our family was astounding.
Over the years, a few families have moved, and a couple more have joined the circle. The ones who have left the neighborhood are truly missed in the sake of proximity, but continue to stay connected and still come to participate in the festivities. In only seven short years, the people of BOSS have grown and changed so much. We have celebrated, and unfortunately, mourned lives. We have stood on the sidelines watching families grow apart and other families grow stronger. We have battled illnesses, job losses, and raising kids:-) We have walked through some of the toughest hurdles together. It has not been without many tears and angry words, but somehow we've become better and stronger because of all of these situations.
Today, Curtis, Wade and I celebrated Thanksgiving with some of these friends. Unfortunately, due to distance and illness, we were not able to be with family. During the blessing, I briefly reflected on some of the above. It's not uncommon for a family who has a child with a disability to be "left out" or "forgotten" as the years go by. Friends sometimes pull away while the family slowly retreats into their "new normal" of raising this child. While I can't say I am a stranger to loneliness or that my heart doesn't break when I see other kids Wade's age running around outside, I can say that our family is truly blessed that Bent Oak has fully embraced us and supported us during some of the darkest days of our lives. And for that, I am forever grateful and thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you BOSS for becoming our extended family.
During our first two and a half years in our house, we quickly became fast friends with a few other families on the street. We were known to "do it up" like no one else in the neighborhood when it came to social events. On Friday and Saturday evenings, we could all be found in someone's driveway enjoying the weather while gossiping over a few beverages. On Sunday evenings, we would often gather at someone's house for a potluck dinner while watching Sunday night television. The kids on the street became "everyone's" children. Our street quickly became a village. We even named our group; BOSS--Bent Oak Social Society--after the name of our street.
Between the two of us, Curtis is definitely the social butterfly. In fact, some of the neighbors didn't even think I really existed for the first few months! I had just started my teaching job, and my idea of a fun Friday night was laying on the couch watching TV. I slowly came out of my shell and began meshing with our new friends. Living so far from home (VA), these new people started becoming like family. But as with family, things and people can start getting a little too close for comfort! Misunderstandings and hurt feelings are bound to happen within a close knit group of people. BOSS has definitely had it's fair share of drama over the past seven years. Months have gone by where there was little interaction between some people. However, as it seems to go with family, when you've experienced certain things and events with people, there's a bond that is formed that is really hard to break. We've all certainly been in the middle of the drama, but in the end, it's that drama that has helped form such a deep connection.
I honestly didn't realize that strong, unbreakable bond until Wade was born. Not only did mine and Curtis' life change, but our street was affected forever. Instead of celebrating Wade's life at the hospital, our friends held a prayer circle in someone's driveway. Instead of everyone coming to see mom and baby, people were splitting their time between two hospitals--some came to visit me at one hospital, while others went to support Curtis and Wade at the children's hospital. Instead of a bunch of home cooked meals, we were receiving gift cards to local restaurants so that we could quickly grab a bite to eat to and from visiting Wade.
This group of friends rallied like no other. Wade became the "Baby of Bent Oak"--BOBO. There was always someone willing to step in and hold him or feed him or even change him. The outpouring of love for our family was astounding.
 |
| Baby of Bent Oak |
Today, Curtis, Wade and I celebrated Thanksgiving with some of these friends. Unfortunately, due to distance and illness, we were not able to be with family. During the blessing, I briefly reflected on some of the above. It's not uncommon for a family who has a child with a disability to be "left out" or "forgotten" as the years go by. Friends sometimes pull away while the family slowly retreats into their "new normal" of raising this child. While I can't say I am a stranger to loneliness or that my heart doesn't break when I see other kids Wade's age running around outside, I can say that our family is truly blessed that Bent Oak has fully embraced us and supported us during some of the darkest days of our lives. And for that, I am forever grateful and thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you BOSS for becoming our extended family.
 |
| Family and Friends at Wade's Baby Dedication |
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Exactly As They Should Be
Sometimes I have those moments where I just can't believe this is my life. How did I get here??? This morning was one of those moments.
I was driving down the highway to take Wade to a makeup speech therapy session, and the accessible parking tag hanging from the rear view mirror caught my attention. I looked down at my lowered--and very messy and cluttered--floor boards in our wheelchair accessible van. How did this happen? My dream car--a lovely, roomy minivan with more cupholders than necessary--had to be sold for this. (I know you're probably still stuck on the part that a minivan was my dream car, but it was!)
I remember the nights when staying up past midnight meant that I could be lazy the next day. Or if I did have to go to work, I could suffer through the day knowing that the couch would be waiting for me as soon as I made it home. Instead, last night I was up past midnight sitting with two dear friends at my kitchen table as we deliriously hammered out goals and objectives for an upcoming ARD meeting...and it wasn't for Wade. And when my head finally hit the pillow, I knew that today would not welcome laziness, but just more work for everything that lies ahead.
When did I become the stay at home mom that doesn't have time for anything? I don't even have time to clean my house and do laundry on a regular basis. I can never seem to figure out how to land and just be. There's always something to do. I haven't updated this blog in over a month, even though I have so much I want to say and keep record of. Who said that stay at home moms don't really work???
I shouldn't be surprised, really. Growing up, I just knew I'd be married by the magical age of 23. I'd have 2.5 kids, a dog, and the white picket fence. I'd be a teacher forever. However, I didn't get married until I was 31. I owned a house with a friend when I was single. I moved to Florida. I moved again to Texas. I never thought I'd live away from my family. I was 30 before I finally became a teacher, and now I am blessed to be able to stay at home with Wade. As I've figured out, things rarely go as planned, or as I envision them anyway. So, to have a perfect pregnancy at the age of 32/33, with a most traumatic delivery, which resulted in my first child having a disability, shouldn't really shock me. Most of the time it doesn't. Sometimes though, the simple things like an accessible parking tag and wheelchair accessible entrances are glaring signs that my life is so much different than I ever, ever imagined it would be.
Then, I see this sweet face looking back at me, and I realize things are exactly as they should be!
I was driving down the highway to take Wade to a makeup speech therapy session, and the accessible parking tag hanging from the rear view mirror caught my attention. I looked down at my lowered--and very messy and cluttered--floor boards in our wheelchair accessible van. How did this happen? My dream car--a lovely, roomy minivan with more cupholders than necessary--had to be sold for this. (I know you're probably still stuck on the part that a minivan was my dream car, but it was!)
I remember the nights when staying up past midnight meant that I could be lazy the next day. Or if I did have to go to work, I could suffer through the day knowing that the couch would be waiting for me as soon as I made it home. Instead, last night I was up past midnight sitting with two dear friends at my kitchen table as we deliriously hammered out goals and objectives for an upcoming ARD meeting...and it wasn't for Wade. And when my head finally hit the pillow, I knew that today would not welcome laziness, but just more work for everything that lies ahead.
When did I become the stay at home mom that doesn't have time for anything? I don't even have time to clean my house and do laundry on a regular basis. I can never seem to figure out how to land and just be. There's always something to do. I haven't updated this blog in over a month, even though I have so much I want to say and keep record of. Who said that stay at home moms don't really work???
I shouldn't be surprised, really. Growing up, I just knew I'd be married by the magical age of 23. I'd have 2.5 kids, a dog, and the white picket fence. I'd be a teacher forever. However, I didn't get married until I was 31. I owned a house with a friend when I was single. I moved to Florida. I moved again to Texas. I never thought I'd live away from my family. I was 30 before I finally became a teacher, and now I am blessed to be able to stay at home with Wade. As I've figured out, things rarely go as planned, or as I envision them anyway. So, to have a perfect pregnancy at the age of 32/33, with a most traumatic delivery, which resulted in my first child having a disability, shouldn't really shock me. Most of the time it doesn't. Sometimes though, the simple things like an accessible parking tag and wheelchair accessible entrances are glaring signs that my life is so much different than I ever, ever imagined it would be.
Then, I see this sweet face looking back at me, and I realize things are exactly as they should be!
 |
| Wade in his turkey hat he made in school. |
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Through the Eyes of a Child
Last weekend we went on a road trip to visit family and friends in TN. It's been about two years since we've been able to spend quality time with Curtis' grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. Curtis' grandmother lives on a farm outside of Nashville. The views and scenery are absolutely breathtaking. Our trip coincided perfectly with the autumn leaves--something we miss terribly in TX.
We took the trip with Curtis' parents, so there were enough hands to help with Wade and the driving on the 10 plus hour trip. Wade was exceptional! He typically doesn't sleep in the car, and except for about 20 minutes, this trip was no exception. However, he handled the long car ride very, very well. Of course we took frequent breaks for ice cream and other goodies!
Grandma's farm is one of my very favorite places. It's quiet and serene. You can often see the deer hiding in the woods as you drive up the 1/2 mile lane to the house. I love sitting at the kitchen table and watching the birds come up to the feeder at the window. The scent of nature fills me, which is quite amazing since I'm not really the outdoorsy type. You just can't help but feel less stressed and anxious when surrounded by this beauty. For the first time though, I got to experience these things through Wade's eyes. And those visions make the farm even more incredible and memorable.
Each time we drove between the farm and Aunt Linda's house, we saw horses and goats and cows and deer along the winding back roads. It was so much fun to see Wade's eyes light up and get big as we pointed out the different animals. On the way to church Sunday morning, we even got caught behind a John Deere tractor!
On one trip in, we were stared at by a cow from the back of a trailer in front of us. On our last drive out the lane, our view was of a very recently shot deer laying on the bed of Curtis' cousin's truck:-(
The weather was absolutely perfect for playing outside. Wade's second cousins also came out for a visit, and we took the time to kick around the ball, run, catch bugs, and climb trees. It was so heartwarming to see all the boys include Wade in their adventures. Even though he can't run and climb just like them, they made sure to include him.
At one point, Carter wanted to pull his brother Hudson and Wade in the old Radio Flyer wagon. Unfortunately, we didn't have a way to support Wade in the wagon. We tried his Childrite seat, but it was too wide to sit securely in the bottom. The adults had pretty much given up on the idea, but five year old Carter was determined to find a way. I watched as he went and grabbed Wade's umbrella stroller. I think my heart stopped at the thought of Wade buckled in the stroller as it sat on top of the wagon. However, Carter had a different plan. He looped the belt on the stroller through the handle of the wagon as he told us to put Wade in the stroller. He then pulled the stroller backwards which pulled the wagon. All three boys had a great time with this!
The entire weekend was a much needed break from routine. Sometimes I forget how precious the little things in life are. Just being with family and friends--talking and laughing without the distractions of computers and televisions and cell phones--is such a blessing. I get so caught up in everything that *has* to be done, and somewhere along the way I forgot what it really means to be a kid. This past weekend was a much needed reminder to take a look at the world and enjoy life through the eyes of a child. It's a beautiful perspective!
We took the trip with Curtis' parents, so there were enough hands to help with Wade and the driving on the 10 plus hour trip. Wade was exceptional! He typically doesn't sleep in the car, and except for about 20 minutes, this trip was no exception. However, he handled the long car ride very, very well. Of course we took frequent breaks for ice cream and other goodies!
Grandma's farm is one of my very favorite places. It's quiet and serene. You can often see the deer hiding in the woods as you drive up the 1/2 mile lane to the house. I love sitting at the kitchen table and watching the birds come up to the feeder at the window. The scent of nature fills me, which is quite amazing since I'm not really the outdoorsy type. You just can't help but feel less stressed and anxious when surrounded by this beauty. For the first time though, I got to experience these things through Wade's eyes. And those visions make the farm even more incredible and memorable.
Each time we drove between the farm and Aunt Linda's house, we saw horses and goats and cows and deer along the winding back roads. It was so much fun to see Wade's eyes light up and get big as we pointed out the different animals. On the way to church Sunday morning, we even got caught behind a John Deere tractor!
On one trip in, we were stared at by a cow from the back of a trailer in front of us. On our last drive out the lane, our view was of a very recently shot deer laying on the bed of Curtis' cousin's truck:-(
The weather was absolutely perfect for playing outside. Wade's second cousins also came out for a visit, and we took the time to kick around the ball, run, catch bugs, and climb trees. It was so heartwarming to see all the boys include Wade in their adventures. Even though he can't run and climb just like them, they made sure to include him.
At one point, Carter wanted to pull his brother Hudson and Wade in the old Radio Flyer wagon. Unfortunately, we didn't have a way to support Wade in the wagon. We tried his Childrite seat, but it was too wide to sit securely in the bottom. The adults had pretty much given up on the idea, but five year old Carter was determined to find a way. I watched as he went and grabbed Wade's umbrella stroller. I think my heart stopped at the thought of Wade buckled in the stroller as it sat on top of the wagon. However, Carter had a different plan. He looped the belt on the stroller through the handle of the wagon as he told us to put Wade in the stroller. He then pulled the stroller backwards which pulled the wagon. All three boys had a great time with this!
The entire weekend was a much needed break from routine. Sometimes I forget how precious the little things in life are. Just being with family and friends--talking and laughing without the distractions of computers and televisions and cell phones--is such a blessing. I get so caught up in everything that *has* to be done, and somewhere along the way I forgot what it really means to be a kid. This past weekend was a much needed reminder to take a look at the world and enjoy life through the eyes of a child. It's a beautiful perspective!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Irony
Above is the view I have from my favorite spot on the couch. It's the backside of my coffee table. Thankfully it's the side that's really not visible from anywhere else in the room. The sad part is, even when the house is spotless, this little space remains this same cluttered mess. It's very symbolic of the chaos in my life. I feel like it's such a representation of everything that is going on in my head--so many thoughts and feelings and on going lists of things to do just kind of shoved to the side and haphazardly placed as I try to move on throughout the day.
If you take a close up look of what's smack dab in the middle of the pile, you'll see the irony. Two books about organization--"Unclutter Your Life in One Week!!" and "ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life"! Why am I not surprised?
Friday, September 2, 2011
School Days
Wade is officially a preschooler! This is his second year of school, but it is his first year in an inclusive classroom. Although it is a lot of hard work getting things in order, we are very excited about the possibilities.
Wade is in the afternoon class--12:15-3:15--this year. I secretly think this assignment was on purpose to see if I could manage to get him to class before the bell rang:-) I am happy to report that this schedule works much better for MY schedule! I am not a morning person, so I really struggled with getting things together and both of us out the door last year when he was in the morning class. I'm doing much better with this time change. Although Wade is eligible to ride the bus--which would probably make things much easier on me--I take him to and from school. I just don't like the idea of him sitting on the back of that bus in the wheelchair accessible spot all by himself. Since I'm able to drive him, it also gives me the opportunity to communicate more with the school. It helps me feel like I'm more in the loop. I'm not sure if the teachers prefer it this way, but it sure does make me feel better. Not to mention that if he rode the bus, his scheduled pick up time would be 11:07AM. That's a little over an hour before school actually starts!
On Wednesday, the third day of school, I wheeled Wade into class behind the the rest of the kiddos. As I stopped in the doorway, a little girl looked up from putting her things in her cubby and exclaimed, "Hey Wade!" I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. Her little voice was so sweet, welcoming, and accepting. Come to find out, this is the same little girl who had shouted, "Hey, there's that boy!" just the day before when Curtis dropped him off:-)
On Thursday, we had a meeting at the school in the library. We were concluding the meeting as kiddos were getting lined up in the halls to go to class. When Wade entered the hall from the library, I could hear, "Hi Wade!" and "Hey Wade!" and "Wade!" from all of his classmates. It's such an amazing feeling to know that Wade is being included and accepted for who he is.
As of today, Wade has completed his second full week of school. To say he is exhausted is an understatement! Due to the afternoon schedule, Wade has been forced to give up his naps. Unfortunately, he has not adjusted his morning wake up time to make up for this. He is still getting up between 5:00-6:30AM! I'm hoping that as we get more settled into the school year he will realize that staying in bed until at least 7:00 isn't such a bad thing! One day during the first week of school I told the assistant, "I don't know what y'all are doing all day, but he sure is worn out." She said that she wasn't surprised because Wade spends the majority of his afternoon laughing at his friends! I'm so happy that he enjoys going to school and has so much fun playing with his new classmates. Although the struggle to make the curriculum and environment accessible for Wade is absolutely draining, the smile on his face and the acceptance of his friends makes every single step on this journey worthwhile.
Wade is in the afternoon class--12:15-3:15--this year. I secretly think this assignment was on purpose to see if I could manage to get him to class before the bell rang:-) I am happy to report that this schedule works much better for MY schedule! I am not a morning person, so I really struggled with getting things together and both of us out the door last year when he was in the morning class. I'm doing much better with this time change. Although Wade is eligible to ride the bus--which would probably make things much easier on me--I take him to and from school. I just don't like the idea of him sitting on the back of that bus in the wheelchair accessible spot all by himself. Since I'm able to drive him, it also gives me the opportunity to communicate more with the school. It helps me feel like I'm more in the loop. I'm not sure if the teachers prefer it this way, but it sure does make me feel better. Not to mention that if he rode the bus, his scheduled pick up time would be 11:07AM. That's a little over an hour before school actually starts!
On Wednesday, the third day of school, I wheeled Wade into class behind the the rest of the kiddos. As I stopped in the doorway, a little girl looked up from putting her things in her cubby and exclaimed, "Hey Wade!" I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. Her little voice was so sweet, welcoming, and accepting. Come to find out, this is the same little girl who had shouted, "Hey, there's that boy!" just the day before when Curtis dropped him off:-)
On Thursday, we had a meeting at the school in the library. We were concluding the meeting as kiddos were getting lined up in the halls to go to class. When Wade entered the hall from the library, I could hear, "Hi Wade!" and "Hey Wade!" and "Wade!" from all of his classmates. It's such an amazing feeling to know that Wade is being included and accepted for who he is.
As of today, Wade has completed his second full week of school. To say he is exhausted is an understatement! Due to the afternoon schedule, Wade has been forced to give up his naps. Unfortunately, he has not adjusted his morning wake up time to make up for this. He is still getting up between 5:00-6:30AM! I'm hoping that as we get more settled into the school year he will realize that staying in bed until at least 7:00 isn't such a bad thing! One day during the first week of school I told the assistant, "I don't know what y'all are doing all day, but he sure is worn out." She said that she wasn't surprised because Wade spends the majority of his afternoon laughing at his friends! I'm so happy that he enjoys going to school and has so much fun playing with his new classmates. Although the struggle to make the curriculum and environment accessible for Wade is absolutely draining, the smile on his face and the acceptance of his friends makes every single step on this journey worthwhile.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
